Painting My Way Through Pain !!!!!!!!!

So I find myself at the mercy again with the tablet box again. I’ve had to increase my gabapentin, for my spinal pain 🤯 side effects aren’t fun, so looking forward to them wearing off in the next few weeks, although I’ve had significant improvement on the pain, so that’s enough of an all incentive I need to keep going, I find it terrifying that I’m at that stage now, where I “need” a reason to keep going.. 🤷‍♀️ But, it is what it is.. and we just have to find a way through…

Nevertheless, here we are again… I’ve never had the pain like I’m having now.. I’m completely exhausted and weak, even the littlest thing exhausts me. How can this be a “way of life” How can anyone look at this and say it’s humane…

This is laughable.. I’ve just had my “urgent” pain clinic appointment through… May!!! May? Come again? Fecking May!!!!

How?

How can I keep going that long?

I have to!

They’re not giving me any choice!

I have to suffer, my whole family has to suffer, everyone is having to help, the demands my pain is putting on my family is immense… It’s not fair that they should have all this worry….

I’m sitting here distracting myself with this, writing down my thoughts, but also by looking at my next painting, it’s a bit duhh at the moment but it’s got potential 😂😂😂 I’m seeing bright sticking circles, but everything else having a cosmic feel.. With a totally different feel and lightness..

Painting is therapy for both me and Olivia, she loves and adores what mum’s painting, gets excited and proud, and obviously I love doing it, I’m getting lost in something, I can only do it for short bursts, but I think I’ve found a new passion, didn’t think anything would top the resin sculptures

but doing this first painting last week has given me a real buzz..

Already getting lost in it… Brian’s bought me an easel and some canvases. So thats what I’ve been doing… to try and distract myself from the pain..

I’m so exhausted with living and coping with this pain, doctors refuse to give me anything stronger because the pain clinic are the only ones who can prescribe it now…

I’m confident they’ll take one “actual” look at the state of me and they will help, but MAY!!!!

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Feels inhumane!!

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