I’m becoming more and more aware of how art positively impacts our mental health. I’ve had the worst two years of my life so far and there has been some tough competition for that statement in my life time. I’ve had to give up my business and declare myself as disabled.
I took part in a Art course, that I was referred to last year via the pain management team and it has literally saved my life. (I’ll do a separate post about my pain management during at a later day) but it gave me the confidence to look for other art courses
I’m on week 3 of a Texture Mixed Media course. Last week we’re using cement to create tiles and using any other mediums we wanted.
I used some crushed glass that I had left over from making a resin rainbow sculpture bowl. As we’re all surrounded by the Jubilee at the moment and the fact that my crushed glass was blue and red. I decide to try and make my tiles look like jubilee cake slices
I’ve put them in the garden with two ceramic pieces I made at school 32 years ago. I’d almost forgotten about the older pieces, as they’re a natural colour and blended into the plant pots, so the new pieces make that little corner of the garden pop..
I love my garden now. An outside space, where I can relax in, which I’ve never had before
I’ve had fibromyalgia for 21 years, I’ve always had a handle on it and had a reasonably physical life. Around 10 years ago my bones started to hurt, fast forward to today and I have Spinal Stenosis (narrowing of my spinal canal, crushing my spinal cord) in my lower back, 7 completely dehydrated discs throughout my spine (top middle and bottom) which means my vertebrae in 7 places are unprotected, the discs act like shock absorbers for the spine. Two of them have collapsed inward in my lower back causing the stenosis. I have arthritis in my hips, knees, ankles, wrists and fingers too. So a hell of a lot of pain and for medical reasons I can’t take ANY anti inflammatories to help
I’m also going through the Menopause, I’m pre diabetic, ferritin intolerance (have to take iron meds as my body is unable to absorb iron) I have a badly behaved under-active thyroid, damaged stomach lining from taking anti inflammatories as prescribed years ago, chronic fatigue syndrome, insomnia and depression.
My nerves are on fire, my fibromyalgia has progressed to neurogenic fibromyalgia due to my spinal cord being crushed, which set the fibro into overdrive, affecting every nerve ending in my body and I live with searing, burning pain throughout my back, hips, legs and groin area 24/7. I take a lot of nerve blockers and codeine.
Trying to get help this past year has been horrific. Just trying to get someone to believe me about how much pain I’m living with, convincing them to do an mri, which I finally had last month and confirmed my stenosis was no longer just on the right side of my spine but central, so being crushed from both sides.
I was given an instant URGENT appointment to meet with the surgeon, but that isn’t until July. I feel like I’m hanging on a cliff by my fingertips. They’ve said if I lose complete use of my legs they will operate immediately, or if I suddenly can’t wee or poo of if with nether regions go completely numb.
I currently can’t work more than 20 ft before my legs are so weak I need to sit, I struggle to wee in the mornings, takes forever to come out, and I’m constantly constipated, plus when i sit for more than a couple of minutes my nether regions go numb.
It’s so hard accepting that nobody seems to care that I have NO quality of life, when there is a simple (for them) operation they can do to give me some life back
I’m so worried about how much strength, if any I’ll get back in my legs after surgery, if I didn’t have fibromyalgia I wouldn’t be so concerned. Every muscle in my body is exhausted and weak.
Don’t get me started on the cognitive problems from trying to live with so much pain whilst being on a ton of meds too
If you’ve read this far, don’t feel sorry for me, I’m one of life’s fighters. I’ll keep going until my body has nothing left. But at least I’ll be at peace with the fact I never gave up.
Love to all
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