Or should I say the ‘shit storm that is my life’
Found out a few weeks ago that my fusion spine surgery has been moved from the 10th Nov to the 24th Nov. I know that’s only 2 weeks but they also told me to expect more delays as the NHS have been having to cancel ops due to covid and shortages.
Little sparkles of ideas turned into reality. That’s why I love ART. Endless Ideas of Imagination Creativity Fun & Magic!
Caz Morgan
I’ve also had more shitty news Recent MRI of my cervical spine, I’ve been losing the strength in my arms for a while now the scan shows the same problem as I have with my lower back, stenosis, spondylitis, osteophytes, it’s considered moderate for now, it has deteriorated as quickly as my lower back has within the last 18 months and I have tendinitis in my shoulder…. So very soon my arms will be as bad as my legs. I’m just hoping and praying that that day is far from now, if I can’t do my art, life really will be unbearable…
Some people always seem to land on their feet. That never seemed to be me, so I became a pro at staying on my feet.
NOW THAT TAKES SKILL
Caz Morgan
I’m not coping very well anymore or feeling as brave.
I thought there was some hope back in July when they said I needed an urgent operation, but that is slipping away now and I can’t pretend anymore. I was given dates for August, October and November but realistically it probably won’t be until after Christmas.
After searching for the answer to “where do I fit in this world?” I realised the question I should have been asking was “where does the world fit into my life?”
Caz Morgan
I know it’s not life threatening, but it’s life limiting and has stripped away everything that I am…. I can’t go out on my own anymore, drive the car, visit my grandchildren.. I’m beyond feeling sorry for myself, I feeling lost. I’m still doing my online art courses but struggling to engage on the calls like I want to and I have to keep turning off the camera to stand up and move around.
This isn’t a cry for help, this is my reality now for the foreseeable. It’s not in me to give up, everyday is about focusing on getting through and doing what I can.
Faith – I believe in life we are tested and in death we find peace….
Caz Morgan
#chronicpain #mentalhealth #lifeishard #survival #peace #trust #reality #cryforhelp #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #menopause #arthritis
Leave a comment